you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
