you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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