I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
we made out on top of his cat.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
