why didn't you poke me back
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Randomize
