before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I love you. Go after that dick
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
