GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
