I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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