ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Everyone says I win the strip club
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
