Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
