Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
There's always time for handjobs
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
