Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
