I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
