i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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