I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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