Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
