YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
