he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
