there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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