Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
