i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
