if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
