two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
