You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
