Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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