His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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