i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
