whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
