Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
