You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
