i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Life without a bra equals bliss.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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