I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
