i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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