i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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