Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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