I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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