He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
