How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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