Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
