does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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