I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
