Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
