Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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