She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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