i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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