Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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