Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
