my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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