I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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