Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
