my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
