if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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