Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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