On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
