DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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