I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
