I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
