The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
MIDGETS
????
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
