the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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