ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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