I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
