You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
