So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
