the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
