I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
