Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
